When I found out I was pregnant with my now 7 month old daughter Ava I just couldn't believe it. I had just recently stopped nursing my then 8 month first child McKenna and thought how could this be, I'm still getting used to the idea of being a mom! After the initial shock wore off, the panic set in. All I could think of was how there was no way I was going to be able to handle this. Babies require so much attention, I'll never survive, when will I sleep? Slowly the panic subsided, although I still worried how I was going to handle what I considered 2 babies and excitement over a new child began.
While in still in panic mode I began to search the internet for whatever information I could find on the topic of parenting 2 under 2. I came across a website that called it "Baby Bunching". While most of these women had decided that having their kids as close together as possible was optimum, which was not the case for me, I began to see the benefits of having closely spaced children.
Fast forward to now, my first child has just turned 2 and my second is now 7 months and I no longer have 2 under 2, though I am still part of the club. Although I have not been a mom for more than 2 years and most certainly have no idea of the challenges older kids bring I do feel that I have passed the "Hump" of the intensity that a new baby and a barely toddler bring. Recently I have run into some other moms who have either just entered or are about to enter this zany club and have asked me "How do you do it?" The same words that only 7 months ago were coming out of my mouth. I will preface this by saying that I am certainly no expert and every child is different but I do know what has worked for me and friends of mine so I have decided to sit down and tell you what I know.
The first couple of months I was lucky that my husband stayed home the first month and that my step-grandmother came to stay with me a week. I believe having the support of my family during this crazy transition made it all that much easier.
First off the majority of the daily care for my toddler transitioned to my husband during this time while he let me nurse, sleep, and change diapers in that rapid cycle that newborns have. He began to wake up with McKenna in the morning, get her milk and breakfast and let me sleep undisturbed until the baby and I were rested enough to get up. He also began to put her down for naps, give baths, and lastly put her to bed at night. After he went back to work I resumed all of these with the exception of bedtime which is now their time together.
I remember when the day came when I finally had to do it all myself and how scared I was but I learned how to juggle along the way and these are my tips to pass along.
1. The boppy is your friend! There is a lot that you can do that requires hands and nurse at the same time. For instance, when I sat down to have lunch at the table with my starving baby I simply put her on the boppy as she nursed while I ate my lunch at the table and helped feed my toddler next to me.
2. A baby carrier is a MUST! There is too much to do that you need your hands for that carrying the baby is the only way.
3, Getting out of the house has its challenges but it can be done. I would know, when I had my second one my first had only been walking 1 month and was still not an actual "walker", not to mention that I lived in an upstairs apartment. How was I ever going to leave the house? Well, I packed the newborn in the baby carrier and popped the toddler on my hip and down the stairs we went. Then the toddler either stood by the car or I somehow managed to get her into her carseat and then I put the baby in hers. I kept the baby carrier strapped to me while I drove and was ready to pop her back in it as soon as we got to where we were going.
4. Going to Parks: Pick a park that you can easily pull the car up near the playground so yo don't have to far to walk and is well enclosed. And once again, USE the baby carrier. That way I never had to walk off and leave the baby in the stroller if my toddler was running off.
5. Go to the grocery store when my husband is home. That way I can get all my shopping done with no distractions, have a little time by myself, and he gets to experience what I call "The Zaniness".
6. If I can't get to the park or out of the house that day, I wait until my husband gets home and let him watch the baby while my toddler and I go out for a walk. Its some alone time for him and the baby and some for me and my toddler where I can actually keep up with her trying to dart in all directions and have a little fun just the two of us.
7. Bath time! I pop my toddler in the bath with me and then have husband come and switch her and the baby and then all 3 of us are clean at one time.
8. Dress everyone and change everyone's diaper at the same time.
9, Feed everyone (once baby is on solids) at the same time.
10. Morning seems to be the best time for me to get done things I want to do (like computer time), both kids are in a good mood and are entertained easily.
11. Since for me it takes longer to get baby to sleep at nap time (or bed), I give her something to play while I get my toddler to sleep and then take my time getting baby to bed.
12. Ultimately someone's going to have to fuss a little and its okay. I can't be in two places and make everyone happy at one time, and for goodness sake I have to use the bathroom sometime!
13. Finally I just try to remember that all this controlled chaos is part of the fun! Its louder, its crazier, someone is probably fussing, but I can't remember my life before this and all the joy they have brought me.
And if none of this works, as my friend says "BREATH - it will be over soon."
